My Mindfulness Journey
Susan Mair
I have spent most of my adult life in a state of doing rather than being. I was worried about the “what ifs” of the future and dwelling on events of the past and wishing I had done things differently. I was constantly on high alert, working on to-do lists, never getting to the end, not sleeping well, feeling exhausted.
I first became interested in mindfulness when I started doing yoga many years ago. At first the meditative elements of Yoga were challenging. I could not stay still. I wanted to get up and on with doing. I just didn’t get it at all. I would get to the relaxation (meditation) part of the class and want to leave (many others actually did leave). However I stayed, and would promptly fall asleep because I was so tired and sleep deprived. I then came to value stillness. Gradually the meditation became a chance to stop and just be. This took years!
Through my work in organisational development leadership and learning, I came across mindfulness practices in a development and staff wellbeing context. I wanted to understand more and to develop my own practice which led me to complete the eight-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programme. This gave me a deeper understanding of mindfulness and helped me develop my own practice. Through my connection with Healthy Working Lives, I was asked to deliver mindfulness practices in the NES, however it wasn’t until lockdown that I actually started to do this.
Having delivered these practices, I became aware that I needed to know more, particularly from the point of view of keeping people safe and not triggering past trauma. The only way I could ensure this and increase my knowledge and skills was by becoming a certified mindfulness teacher. I completed the teaching programme in August 2023.
I am now able to recognise the need to “be” to bring myself to the present moment and literally stop and smell the roses. I understand I can’t change the past or control the future so I might as well not waste my valuable energy on trying to, although I still do sometimes. It’s a constant journey. My sleep has improved and I am much less anxious. I enjoy life so much more, and no longer strive to change things. I find they unfold on their own if I don’t push or force.
Mindfulness is not easy and there is no such thing as being “good” at it. Find what works for you, notice the world, use your senses and your breath. Be in the here and now as much as you can – its where life happens and we often miss it. If I can bring this message to one other person then I will be more than happy.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”